The Truth...
The reason why I created this blog was to just rant about different things in my life. Meaning my journey with God, my daily headaches, my passions, my family, and my frustrations.
Today what I have is a frustration.
I am the youngest of three. Both of my siblings are adults, living there lives, while I am a high schooler (just out) dealing with the stress and anxiety of life. I work a minimum wage job, no car, living in a small Midwestern town. It's hard. There are stereotypes about being the youngest in the family and how you get everything you want when you're young. I will admit, when I was a child, I did get everything I wanted, or so it seemed, now I see something different.
I no longer get the care I need from my family because I'm different from them all.
Let me explain.
For me, I've always been different from my family. I don't care about much, but I used to care a lot. I used to care about how people were doing and how to take care of them. As I said before though, I don't care about much anymore. This doesn't separate me much, but the fact that I feel the same. The same motivation for way I cared then gave up caring. Not being good enough.
I feel like I am not good enough for my family or people, and there are two ways I made up for this feeling... trying too hard, and not trying at all. Both of these cause a dilemma, the same one too. I wasn't being myself. I was sculpting myself to what I thought they wanted me to be/act like. Because of this, I lost my childhood. It was hard on me and I'm still making up for it.
Anyway, for me this made me more responsible for everything... and caused a lot of stress and anxiety. So, I ended one thing, and started another. It was awful.
The worst part for me though, is how I am treated so differently from my two older siblings. My brother is spoiled wastes all his money on things he doesn't need, lives at home and doesn't help pay for his fair share of expenses, but at least he's tolerable. My sister on the other hand, shes a different story. She also, doesn't pay bills, still lives at home and wastes her money, but you touch her stuff and she has a hissy fit, but she can touch everyone else's stuff, and if they yell at her, she abuses you and blames you for it. Me on the other hand, I try and contribute some funds to the home (Making less than 500$ a MONTH), and am trying to save money for a car to get a better job and move out asap.
BUT. Somehow, with all my good behavior, and my effort to try and help in anyway possible, I still get thrown in the dirt and walked on. My siblings never get that. All I want is to know that I am appreciated and that I can have my own stuff and privacy. That's all I need. But nope! I don't get that. And what if I want someone to ask to use my stuff? Nope. It just gets rudely taken and I get a sassy remark with it too!!
I am trying my hardest to get away from them, I want to leave. I want a car. I want to be 100% independent. But I simply can't.
So, that will conclude this rant on my life. If any one reads this, and feels the same, or you find this and think "What a whinny privileged girl." but honestly never really had everything and anything I wanted. I've always had to work for it. And that's what makes me want to just leave.
That concludes this Entry.
I no longer get the care I need from my family because I'm different from them all.
Let me explain.
For me, I've always been different from my family. I don't care about much, but I used to care a lot. I used to care about how people were doing and how to take care of them. As I said before though, I don't care about much anymore. This doesn't separate me much, but the fact that I feel the same. The same motivation for way I cared then gave up caring. Not being good enough.
I feel like I am not good enough for my family or people, and there are two ways I made up for this feeling... trying too hard, and not trying at all. Both of these cause a dilemma, the same one too. I wasn't being myself. I was sculpting myself to what I thought they wanted me to be/act like. Because of this, I lost my childhood. It was hard on me and I'm still making up for it.
Anyway, for me this made me more responsible for everything... and caused a lot of stress and anxiety. So, I ended one thing, and started another. It was awful.
The worst part for me though, is how I am treated so differently from my two older siblings. My brother is spoiled wastes all his money on things he doesn't need, lives at home and doesn't help pay for his fair share of expenses, but at least he's tolerable. My sister on the other hand, shes a different story. She also, doesn't pay bills, still lives at home and wastes her money, but you touch her stuff and she has a hissy fit, but she can touch everyone else's stuff, and if they yell at her, she abuses you and blames you for it. Me on the other hand, I try and contribute some funds to the home (Making less than 500$ a MONTH), and am trying to save money for a car to get a better job and move out asap.
BUT. Somehow, with all my good behavior, and my effort to try and help in anyway possible, I still get thrown in the dirt and walked on. My siblings never get that. All I want is to know that I am appreciated and that I can have my own stuff and privacy. That's all I need. But nope! I don't get that. And what if I want someone to ask to use my stuff? Nope. It just gets rudely taken and I get a sassy remark with it too!!
I am trying my hardest to get away from them, I want to leave. I want a car. I want to be 100% independent. But I simply can't.
So, that will conclude this rant on my life. If any one reads this, and feels the same, or you find this and think "What a whinny privileged girl." but honestly never really had everything and anything I wanted. I've always had to work for it. And that's what makes me want to just leave.
That concludes this Entry.
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